just come out here and I will go home with you...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
