She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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