dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
