atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
