Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
