wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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