its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
