Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
