we have officially lost it.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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