You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
