I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
