i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
