Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
