dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
