I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
