I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
