She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
