he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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