do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
