My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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