I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is puke in my bra ... again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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