Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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