im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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