she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is the high leading the old right now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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