I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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