I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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