I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
