What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
