The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
