my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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