summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
