That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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