the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
