Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
