Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
