we're blogging at a bar
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish I could teleport
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
