i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
