I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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