he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
