I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
