if you like me you must not know who I am
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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