I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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