isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
