Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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