Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
