ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
