11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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