Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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