Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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