why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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