I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
